How We Protect Our Peace Shapes How We Lead
We’ve all heard the saying:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Usually, that’s followed by questions like: Do they make you better? Do they challenge you?
But lately, I’ve been asking a different one: Do they bring you peace—or steal your peace?
The Realization That Changed Everything
Someone once asked me, “Why do you let this person steal your peace?”
That question stopped me. Because the truth was—I was allowing it.
I had given permission for someone else’s chaos to take up space in my calm.
That realization reshaped how I think about relationships—personally and professionally. I want people in my life who make me better, who challenge me, and who help me live in peace, not in constant tension.
What Positive Psychology Tells Us
Positive psychology reminds us that who we surround ourselves with directly affects our wellbeing, performance, and even our health:
- Strong relationships are the top predictor of happiness. Harvard’s Study of Adult Development found that meaningful relationships—not income or success—are the best indicators of long-term wellbeing.
- Even one trusted person makes a big difference. The World Happiness Report (2025) found that having one close, supportive connection raises life satisfaction by 16%.
- Healthy relationships lower stress and build resilience. Supportive people help regulate our emotions, reduce stress hormones, and restore balance.
When you choose peace, you’re not avoiding growth—you’re choosing sustainable growth.
Grace, Boundaries, and Growth
Sometimes extending grace means seeing beyond the behavior—understanding that stress and struggle can cause even strong, capable people to respond from chaos.
And sometimes, it’s about walking away with grace—when the chaos becomes constant and peace no longer lives there.
Grace doesn’t mean accepting unhealthy behavior—it’s leading with discernment and calm conviction, addressing what disrupts peace while modeling strength and understanding.
When you find people who both challenge and calm you—who call you higher without depleting you—you’ve found your circle of growth.
Two Shifts That Restore Peace
1️⃣ Redefine Growth Relationships
Growth isn’t just about being challenged—it’s about being supported while you’re stretched.
Ask yourself:
- Do they help me grow?
- Do I feel calm and centered after being with them?
- Do they bring clarity or confusion, peace or pressure?
Peace + Challenge = Sustainable Growth
2️⃣ Recognize Where You’re Giving Away Your Peace
Peace isn’t something others can take—it’s something we sometimes hand over.
Ask yourself:
- What am I allowing that drains my calm?
- Where do I need to set healthy boundaries?
- How can I extend grace without losing my peace?
When you stop giving away your calm, you regain your clarity and confidence.
A Leadership Perspective
In leadership, peace is power.
Gallup research shows that 70% of team engagement is tied directly to the leader’s behavior.
When we lead from peace—especially under pressure—we model steadiness and build trust.
We can’t always walk away—but we can always lead with grace. Leadership isn’t about avoiding hard conversations; it’s about having them with calm strength, honesty, and respect—protecting peace while building trust.
That’s how we protect both our peace and the culture we’re responsible for shaping.
Final Thought
Grace has many forms—offering understanding to those who struggle, walking away when peace no longer lives there, or addressing what needs to change with calm conviction.
Because peace isn’t the absence of challenge—it’s the calm strength and clarity we bring to how we lead through it.